This past month has been a very hard month for my family. At the beginning of December, we found out my grandpa has cancer. At that time, he moved in with us and has spent the majority of December with us. On Friday, he will be moving back to his own home to be placed on hospice. When this all started a month ago, we didn't know how far-spread it was nor how long he had to be with us. Now we know it is in his lungs and bones.
We've been through this process several times before. And this won't be the last time we go through it, either. My grandma passed away when I was 5 years old. I don't remember a whole lot about her except her reading to me and making me jello jigglers when I came to visit. :) Cherry. Every time. When my grandma was sick, my grandpa always let me help cater to her needs and called me her little nurse when she was in hospice. My grandma started the Swedish Christmas tradition we still celebrate every year.
My great aunt went to be with the Lord when I was 14. When my grandma died, my great aunt kind of became a grandmother figure, especially since she had no grandchildren (or children) of her own. She always kept a basket of things for us to do when we were at her house. Whenever we'd go over there for dinner, she always made the same thing: casserole. My great aunt also used to take me to a park, bring a bag of bread, and we would feed the ducks. Although I don't remember it, she would often remind me that she would always play "restaurant" with me. I also have tangible objects from them so that not only will I remember who they were to me and the memories we shared, but I will also remember who they were and what they loved. From my grandma, I have tea cups. I also inherited some bells from her collection. My great aunt loved to crochet. She made several things for me over the years: a baby blanket, a doll blanket, a blanket when I was 7-10, a pillow, a white coverlet for my bed, and when she passed away, she was in the process of making me a giant throw. She also left me her hope chest. I am able to save things that I will use for my future family in a place that holds special meaning.
My grandpa being sick has required sacrifice from every family member. For us, we have to give up days of school to help him, my brother has given up his bed so my grandpa can sleep there, interruptions in our day will happen so we can fulfill his needs. Of course, we're not always going to be willing to do it. We may not always have a smile on our faces. We may get a little behind in school which is always frustrating. My brother will want his own bed back. Having constant interruptions in my school day is something I struggle with. But someday - and that someday will be soon - we will miss it. We'll miss having him around and having the chance to serve him with a servant's heart.
My grandpa has a
lot of crazy stories. Once you get him going, it doesn't matter if you've heard it ten times before, you'll have a hard time getting him to stop talking. So while sometimes it's hard not to complain about hearing it before, I have to realize that one day I
won't be hearing those stories and I'll be glad he told them so many times so I can pass them down. Stories from the war, from working on the railroad, growing up with a father who was a butcher. Stories from his college days, and how he was captain of the football team and the basketball star. Every summer, my grandpa still gets together with his high school buddies at 78 years old.
It is heartbreaking for me to think of him not sharing anymore Christmases with us. Or birthdays. Or Easters. We won't go see him dozens of times a year. He may not be able to see me reach my eighteenth birthday -- adulthood -- in a little over a month. He won't even see me graduate from high-school in six months! He won't see me get married or see his great-grandchildren. It all breaks my heart.
But it's all very selfish of me, too.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~Revelation 21:4
He gets to go see the face of his Savior. He gets to see his wife after nearly twelve and a half years of being apart! He gets to see three of his siblings: his twin, older sister, and older brother. He'll be reunited with his parents! Oh how he adored his mom. He's so close to all these glorious things! Yet, none of us left here want to let him go. We don't want to say goodbye.
But, there is some good news:
We won't be saying "goodbye". We'll be saying "see you later".
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ~Psalm 34:18
In Christ's love,
Sierra
